Sunday, January 22, 2012

Week One

Baby is a week old now. I don't know how that's possible, as it seems as though I only gave birth a few days ago, but she's been in my arms for eight days.

There have been tears - a lot of tears, actually - and smiles. Newborns are so HARD. That's something that we tend to forget after we get over the hump, along with all the aches and pains of pregnancy and childbirth. Which I guess is a good thing, otherwise people might just have one kid and call it a day.

So, things are going relatively well, and also terrible. We went to the pediatrician on Wednesday, during the aftermath of a snowstorm, and Olivia was doing well. She was 7 lbs, 7.5 oz, which was up from her weight of 7 lbs, 5 oz on Sunday night. I felt that familiar burning sensation after nursing on Wednesday night and realized that all the white on her tongue was confirmation of thrush. Yay, yeast infections for everyone! I was very upset, remembering all I went through with her older sister, Sophie, when we had thrush. Still, this time I know what I'm dealing with and was able to start treating it right away with gentian violet, rather than be in pain for a week or so before getting it diagnosed.

We had to go in the next day to the hospital to get her bilirubin checked as she is a bit jaundiced, and she was the same weight then. Also her bili numbers were great and we don't have to do anything about the jaundice. A victory!

On Friday we went to the lactation clinic for a consultation, and Olivia was still the same weight. The nurse determined that baby wasn't drawing enough from me when we were nursing, and that I should start supplementing with pumped milk and pumping to keep my supply up. A setback, but not too upsetting. I was glad to know and have a plan to fix it. I also got a prescription for some nipple cream to treat the thrush.

So we supplemented after nursing overnight, and then Saturday mid morning Olivia decided she didn't want to deal with nursing anymore and refused to try. And also I started getting barely an ounce when pumping. I cried a lot. I drank more water. I pumped. I gave Olivia bottles of pumped milk while watching my scant stores of milk get eaten up.

So I've had to get formula for the first time in three kids. I'm trying to remember that it's better that Olivia gets enough to eat, no matter the source, but it's easy to fall into a pit of dismay and guilt about not being able to feed my own baby. I'm still pumping, just barely getting two ounces at a time, and I an going to feed Olivia her first bottle of formula in a few minutes. I still hope to get my supply back up, so I'll keep pumping.

The last two days have been an intense roller coaster of emotions, most of them bad. I think I'm finally coming out the other side, thanks to encouraging words from my sisters and friends on Facebook. It's good to have people who can talk me down from the ledge when I get too upset.

I only pray that week two involves less crying! In good news my stitches haven't bothered me in days, and I'm two pounds away from being at my pre-baby weight. In a week! Too bad my tummy is so squishy.

Baby is cute and squishy too. Gonna go cuddle her and thank God that we got into see the lactation nurse on Friday rather than having to wait until tomorrow, by which time things with Olivia could have been so much worse.

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